Providing constructive feedback to the people I coach can be challenging for several reasons. For my students, it can be difficult for them to receive feedback from someone they’ve just met! They know I’m going to point out areas in need of improvement. This creates feelings of exposure and vulnerability. Here’s how I approach the coaching in 4 steps.

As a coach, I’ve found several methods to help create a foundation of trust for coaching. This foundation creates the right environment for effective coaching to take place.

Step 1: Check your heart

If you’re going to offer constructive feedback to anyone, you need to first check your heart. What is your intent with this conversation? If your goal is to tear someone down and make them feel as if they are “less than” you and others, then your brain will find the right words to make that happen. But, if your intent is to build this person up and encourage them to improve from his/her current position, then your brain will find the right words.

If you only want to hit your numbers and you need this person to do something different to make that happen, your heart is focused on the wrong things. If you truly want to see this person succeed, you’re focus is in the right place. Remember, if they succeed – you succeed. You can’t be a great coach without a great team. Focus on creating a great team.

Step 2: Meet them where they are

If you were traveling to Dallas and you asked me for directions, my first question to you would be, “Where are you now?” I can’t offer you any guidance until I know where you’re currently located. I’m sure that seems completely logical to you. But in our leadership roles, sometimes we forget this. Managers will publish a goal and then expect everyone to just get there. “If they’re worth their salt, they’ll figure it out!”

The worst leaders just stand at the finish line waiting for each team member to cross it. Some will make it. Some won’t. But, a true leader recognizes each person will need different levels of coaching to make it there. Meet the people on your team in their current location. Then give them the personal guidance they need to reach that finish line and succeed.

Step 3: Separate truth from opinion

When you offer any type of guidance to the individuals on your team, you are giving them either truth or opinion. If the quota for the team is set at $45 Million for this quarter, that is truth. If a team member is constantly tapping a pen on the table during sales presentations you might tell them to cease and desist because it is distracting to the audience. That would also be truth. (If you’re thinking… “Actually, I could just tune that pen tapping distraction out.” You may be mentally strong enough to filter the tapping out, but the truth is you had to filter the distraction out. It’s a distraction!)

If you tell a team member you want them to wear a different color tie for sales presentations, that’s just your opinion. If you would rather have them sit down when presenting instead of standing up, that’s your opinion. If you want a team member to change some of the words in their presentation, that’s also your opinion. Most of what you offer your team when coaching is just your opinion. As the boss, of course, your opinion matters. But, if you mistake your opinion for truth, you give the impression you’re a know-it-all.

As the coach, make sure you offer your suggestions (opinions) as just that… your opinion. As the coach, be prepared to offer why you feel the change is needed. From your experience or knowledge, share why you have this opinion. Show them the new result you expect if they adopt your recommendation.

In reality, very little of what you offer in coaching is truth. Most of it is just your opinion. Without being omniscient yourself, you can only offer your opinion from your view of the world. If you were all-knowing, then your opinion would be truth. But you’re not omniscient (and neither am I) and so your opinion is not truth. It’s just your opinion. So approach your coaching of others with humility. You don’t know it all.

Step 4: Offer encouragement

You know it’s difficult to receive coaching, especially when the coach doesn’t start with the heart (see Step #1 above). Even when the coaching is delivered in the best possible way from the heart, implementing change can be difficult for everyone. If you want to see your team implement change, they will need your encouragement. Encouragement creates movement by showing the individual they can achieve the next step. If his/her own future self doesn’t seem achievable from where he/she is standing today, just focus them on the next step. Encourage them to take one step.

Anyone can point out something they don’t like in others. It takes a true leader to care enough to give both guidance and encouragement so others can succeed.

Just offering you my opinions… and I pray there’s some truth you can use,
Russ

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Books I’d Recommend for further reading:

Heretics and Heroes: A Memoir on Modern Leadership, by Cort Dial

Start with Why: How all great leaders inspire everyone to take action, by Simon Sinek

The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership, John C. Maxwell

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Russ Peterson Jr. is the co-founder and Managing Director of iSpeak, Inc. – An award-winning professional development training company. Russ is a published author on Professional Sales Communication and Business Communication. He delivers workshops, keynotes, and personal communication coaching services to business professionals in the US and around the world. You can connect with Russ directly through Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn.