My coach yelled from the sidelines, “Peterson! Get up there and take that kick!” As a defender, I had rare opportunities to ever score a goal. My job was to stop others from scoring! Now please understand, I wasn’t totally without offensive ball skills, but I was just a defender. My coach knew that, but he was always encouraging. He showed his belief in me that day when he called my name for this moment.

Call it nerves or inexperience, but high and to the right didn’t win the day. I was crushed and I showed it with a fist slammed into the pitch. I left the field and my coach put a hand on my shoulder, gave me tight squeeze and direct eye contact before he said, “Next time.”

My first thought was “Whatever! There won’t be a next time! Why would you ever call on me again? I’m a defender! Why wouldn’t you just call on a forward to take that shot? There won’t be a next time.”

Coaching others to reach their potential can be difficult because we find ourselves in a balancing act of how much to demand and encourage. Nancy Darling, psychologist and parenting expert, has studied the effects of demanding and supportive approaches to coaching and the results. Her work was referenced in Angela Duckworth’s book Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance. The combination of the coaching demands and support can have tremendous effects on the tenacity and success of the individuals.

Demanding vs. Undemanding

I truly believe everyone performs better with a coach or trainer. Someone who can push you to give just 10% more than what you would have done on your own. Someone who will hold you accountable to a higher standard just outside your current comfort zone.

Without the discipline of commitment to reach further, you won’t improve. Remember, there’s no growth in the comfort zone and there’s no comfort in the growth zone. If you want to coach others to improve, you will need to demand change, outside their comfort zone, and they must be held accountable to that standard.

Remember “Facing the Giants” and how Coach Taylor pushed Brock to achieve more than he ever thought possible? First, Coach blindfolded Brock and asked him to put his faith in the Coach. Then Coach Taylor became the greatest encourager you could imagine. Demand more and encourage. It’s a powerful scene.

Supportive vs. Unsupportive

Demanding more from others without support can be detrimental. We all need support when we struggle or we will give up too soon. Demands without support is an authoritarian relationship, just making demands and telling them to figure it out. “Suck it up, Buttercup!”

If you are former military and flashing back to boot camp, you’ve been on the receiving end of these types of demands. But even in Navy SEAL training, some of the toughest physical, mental and psychological testing anywhere, the SEALS are taught to never go it alone. They learn the importance of supporting each other.

While they have a demanding coach wanting more from them, they find their coaching support in each other, and that’s by design. The Navy wants them to become reliant on their brothers. They are either with one buddy or a SEAL team for each part of the training. They learn how they can endure much more than they ever thought possible when they have the support of their team.

My Coach’s Encouragement…

For the next two weeks my soccer coach’s favorite two words to me at every practice were, “Next time.” I heard it so much I was determined to practice my penalty shots until I couldn’t get them wrong. Before practice or after I was taking shot after shot. I had lost faith in myself, but he believed in me.

That Friday night at our next game, our forward was slide tackled from behind within the 18 and once again the whistle blew for a penalty shot. I couldn’t help but look to the sidelines wondering if my coach was all talk or if he truly believed in me.

“Peterson! Get up there!”

This time was different. No nerves, just the same kick I’d practiced hundreds of times over the past two weeks. It wasn’t the game-winning goal, but it will always be the most memorable goal for me. It was because of a coach who wouldn’t let me stop believing in myself. He demanded much more from me in practice and he encouraged me even when I didn’t believe in myself.

As a coach, you will demand disciplined effort from others, but also give them support when they don’t feel like they can go on. It’s the coach’s job to see the potential in others even when they can’t see it in themselves. Coaches bring out the best in others through a blend of discipline and encouragement.

I challenge each of you who take up the mantle of coaching to never sacrifice on your demands but always be the first to support them when they miss the goal.

Still pushing myself to be a better coach,

Russ

Let’s connect…

on Twitter if we haven’t already?

OR Let’s connect on LinkedIn.

OR Let’s connect via my Facebook page!

iSpeak teaches workshops on Professional Selling to help sales leaders gather the most important data and then use that information to create the right message. Are your sales presentations closing eyelids or deals?

Russ Peterson Jr. is the co-founder and Managing Director of iSpeak, Inc. – An award-winning professional development training company. Russ is a speaker, international trainer, and published author on Professional Sales Communication and Business Communication. He delivers workshops, keynotes, and personal communication coaching services to business professionals in the US and around the world. His leadership blog assists leaders in giving voice to their vision. You can connect with Russ directly through Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn.

This is the daily struggle for every leader. How can I connect with my team better? Leaders help groups move to new locations, but that will never happen if the leader has no connection with the audience.

As a speaker, if you can build a strong connection with the audience, you’ll have more leadership influence with the group.

The Key is Influence

John C. Maxwell has summarized leadership into one word… influence. Remember, influence has a noble purpose, not a self-serving purpose. The negative side of influence is called manipulation. It’s selfish and pure evil. We’re talking about the noble skill of leadership influence.

Influence is not about what the leader wants personally. It’s about what the team needs. Here are four methods Maxwell has presented as bridges we can all build to connect with others.

1. What you know

Do you remember the game show called “Who Wants to be a Millionaire?” In that trivia game show, if you didn’t know the answer, you could use a life line and phone a friend. From the show, you could tell the host who you’d like to call for help on the question. Then, they would ring up your friend so you could ask the question.

When people need advice or guidance, they call upon people who have a knowledge they don’t. When speaking to a team you may have advanced training and knowledge or you may have received information from the executives and they want to know it. Either way, when you know information the team wants and needs, they will connect with you and seek your input or advice.

2. What you’ve done

Imagine if you were attending an industry conference and the breakout sessions were about to begin. There were 2 speakers speaking in different breakout rooms at the same time. You obviously can’t be in two places at once, so you’re being forced to pick just one. Choose wisely because you will never get to hear the other. Who will you pick?

The first speaker is a great speaker. Delivery is impeccable, great tone in the voice, little bit of humor, and uses the stage effectively. Not sure about the content she’s talking about, but she is guaranteed to have a great delivery.

The second speaker is not nearly as good on the stage. That’s a fact because he’s not a professional speaker. But,he’s just returned from being stranded on a desert island in the Pacific after a shipwreck. He was trapped on the island all alone for 7 weeks. He’s going to speak about his physical, mental and emotional struggles.

I’m guessing 9 out of 10 of you would rather hear the Robinson Crusoe speaker! Why? Because of what he’s done. When people have had struggle experiences we have not, we want to learn from them. It creates a connection.

This isn’t about bragging to others. It’s about recognizing if you have something of value you can share with others to help them move further down the road and avoid some of the issues you’ve had to endure.

3. What you can do

One of our instructors once had a student in class mention he could do a back flip. Seriously! From a standing position in the classroom, he said he could do a full back flip. What do you think the next comment was from another student? You guessed it. “Do it!”

But before he did, someone else asked, “How did you learn to do that?” The student told his back story of always challenging himself. He came up with the idea to learn a back flip and committed himself to doing it. He recruited a friend to come over and spot him and after many bruises and attempts, he did it! The moral? Find your next challenge, recruit help from others, and commit to overcoming it!

When others know we are capable, they may want to leverage our skill set in the future. If you are willing and able to help others with a skill you have, they will want to connect with you. Use your skills to help others, not so you can expect something in return. Do it because it aligns with your core value for serving others. Which leads us to the 4th method of connection…

4. How you’ve lived

This is all about your values. It’s so true that words are cheap. I’m sure we’ve all experienced the pain of hearing a friend say the right things and then act in a completely different or inappropriate manner. It’s the source of the expression, “Actions speak louder than words.”

People like Mother Teresa, Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, Jesus… all lived lives of sacrifice. If we had the opportunity to have a conversation with an any of these people, we would want to listen! We appreciate strong core values, worthy of admiration, but even more than that… we appreciate someone who has lived out the values they preach.

Know your values and live in alignment with them. It sounds so simple. I’m willing to admit… I’m still working on doing just that.

A challenge for all of us… use the 3 steps from last week’s conversation tool and let’s combine it with living out our core values. Then, let’s start building stronger connections and relationships with the ones we serve and love.

Until next week…

Russ

Let’s connect…

on Twitter if we haven’t already?

OR Let’s connect on LinkedIn.

OR Let’s connect via my Facebook page!

iSpeak teaches workshops on Professional Selling to help sales leaders gather the most important data and then use that information to create the right message. Are your sales presentations closing eyelids or deals?

Russ Peterson Jr. is the co-founder and Managing Director of iSpeak, Inc. – An award-winning professional development training company. Russ is a speaker, international trainer, and published author on Professional Sales Communication and Business Communication. He delivers workshops, keynotes, and personal communication coaching services to business professionals in the US and around the world. His leadership blog assists leaders in giving voice to their vision. You can connect with Russ directly through Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn.

Are You Ready?

So here’s the first part we all need to agree on… just because you thought it was a great conversation, doesn’t mean the other person did too. Can we all agree on that? Yep, I’m willing to admit it too. Sometimes I love a conversation with someone and then later realize the other person may not have felt the same way.

Why would I think that? Because looking back on that conversation, I didn’t do these three things and my conversation partner did! So while I may have enjoyed the conversation, my partner most likely did not.

The Research

Don’t worry, I’m not going into professor-lecture mode, I promise. Just a quick note on where these 3 steps originated. Much research has been done by social psychologists on how we communicate with each other and the effects our communication has on each other.

One interesting study was conducted by several researchers at Harvard, led by Karen Huang. The study wanted to extend previous research done by others on something called “responsiveness” which to you and me really just means “likability.”

Their question was two-fold, First, they wanted to know if asking follow-up questions would increase likability. Of course, you and I immediately think, “Really? they had to research this?” But of course, they had their hunches too. They just wanted scientific measurement and proof. What may be even more interesting was the second question they wanted to answer.

Second, if it is true, and it certainly seems like common sense that it would be true, then why is it that some people participate in conversations without ever asking a question of the other person? If it’s common sense, shouldn’t we all be pretty good at this?

The Three Steps To Better Conversations

I’m calling this better conversations because if both parties in the conversation do these three things, the research study proves they will both enjoy the conversation and ultimately enjoy each others’ company even more.

First Step: Understanding

People like to be understood, but for them to be understood, the other person needs to be a good listener. There’s a lot of info out there on how to be a good listener, but I’ll keep the focus on this research study, which focused on questions.

How can you show the other person you want to understand them? It’s simple… ask them a question so they can express their thoughts, opinions and feelings. Don’t just ask a question about facts and data.

Ask this…

“How did y’all pick Antigua for your anniversary trip?” (This question allows the other to express their opinion on a choice.)

Not this…

“When are you going on vacation?” (This question is too closed. The answer will be a fact, not an opinion.)

Second Step: Validation

When do people feel better in a conversation? It’s when your conversational partner validates your opinion, thought, or feeling. Think about your own conversation I asked you to come up with at the beginning. Someone most likely asked you a question. You expressed your thoughts or opinion. Then what happened?

Did they validate your opinion? Everyone’s entitled to an opinion and even if they have a different one, did they validate yours? When someone confirms your thoughts, feelings or actions, we feel comfortable and safe in the conversation.

Please don’t think I’m asking you to agree with everyone on everything just to make friends. I’m simply asking you to confirm the other person has an opinion. The research suggests we like to know someone else has heard us and they validate our line of thinking… even if they disagree.

Say this…

“That sounds like an amazing place to visit.”

Not this…

“Antigua? That place is crazy expensive! Why would you go there? You would’ve been better off going to Jamaica.”

Third Step: Caring

The final step is to show the other person you care about what they’ve shared. What’s the easiest way to do that? Ask a follow-up question.

The research study found that when someone not only asks you one question, but then asks a follow-up question based on the answer you’ve given, you’ll feel more like the other person truly cares about you and your responses.

Unfortunately, in many cases, that doesn’t happen. Instead, the person hears your answer to the first question and then immediately turns the story back to himself/herself based on what you said.

Say this…

“Where did you go for your anniversary trip?” (Response: “We went to Antigua.”)

“That sounds amazing. What was the best part?”

Not this…

“Where did you go for your anniversary trip?” (Response: “We went to Antigua.”)

“I’ve never been there. We usually go to the Bahamas. You can get to the Bahamas easily with the direct flights from Atlanta.”

The Blind Spot

And this brings us to the second finding in the research study, which I find even more interesting. It’s a natural blind spot we all share. While it seems like common sense that asking questions, validating responses, and asking follow-up questions will increase your likability, most of us are blind to that fact and we don’t do it.

In other words, when we dominate conversations with talking about ourselves instead of asking questions, we don’t even realize we’re doing it!

Ouch.

The Bottom Line

It’s a simple 3-step process we can all use to get better at conversations:

• Ask a question to UNDERSTAND the other person or their situation
• VALIDATE what they tell you as a legitimate opinion, even if you personally don’t agree with them.
• Ask them a follow-up question to show you CARE about them and what they’re telling you.

As simple as these steps sound, I’ll be the first to admit it. I still need practice implementing them! I leave some conversations and realize I dominated the conversation and didn’t ask nearly enough questions about the other person. But, I can always work on it.

See you next week,

Russ

Let’s connect…

on Twitter if we haven’t already?

OR Let’s connect on LinkedIn.

OR Let’s connect via my Facebook page!

iSpeak teaches workshops on Professional Selling to help sales leaders gather the most important data and then use that information to create the right message. Are your sales presentations closing eyelids or deals?

Russ Peterson Jr. is the co-founder and Managing Director of iSpeak, Inc. – An award-winning professional development training company. Russ is a speaker, international trainer, and published author on Professional Sales Communication and Business Communication. He delivers workshops, keynotes, and personal communication coaching services to business professionals in the US and around the world. His leadership blog assists leaders in giving voice to their vision. You can connect with Russ directly through Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn.

It’s two weeks ago and I’m attending a charity dinner as a member of the audience, not the speaker! The guest speaker was with an organization I held in high esteem and I was looking forward to his message. Then he began…

After 4 or 5 minutes of reciting his resume accomplishments and then telling us how the organization planned on spending some of this year’s budget on technology, he paused. I’d have to say, as I looked around the room, the audience was not keenly engaged at this point. It was at this critical moment, he appeared to remember something tangental to the prepared message, and he went off script.

Now, as my wife would be quick to point out, this is pure speculation on my part. But in my defense, I’ve seen and coached a lot of speakers in my career, and in my own personal biased opinion, I can usually tell when my speakers are going off the script with their messages.  

After his pause, he said, “I need to share a story about something that happened about a year ago just so you all can appreciate what we’re dealing with when it comes to a multi-generational workforce and our aging technology.”

He shared an amazing story in a masterful way. He had the audience listening intently and laughing at the ironies of the old and new technology aligned with the older and younger generations. It was magnificent! I couldn’t help but think to myself, “That’s your opening right there!” He did a fantastic job and that’s not just my opinion, that was the audience’s opinion too. You could see it and hear it in their body language and laughter.

The Unsolicited Coach

I’m sure you’ve heard it before, unsolicited feedback usually doesn’t end well… and I would agree! As a speaking coach, I can’t help but take mental notes on any speaker I have the pleasure to hear. Some might say I’m always “judging others” or “Russ, no one will ever want to speak in front of you!”, but I’d argue right back… you’re being a bit pessimistic. I can assure you, most of my mental notes are full of praise for what other speakers do, not criticism.

I’m always humbled by the amazing abilities of other platform speakers. I take so many notes for myself because I want to learn from them. What works with the audience? What did he do to engage the audience? How did that speaker structure the message? Why does she appear so approachable? Why do I feel so inspired right now?

Be a Positive Force

As an audience member, when I leave an event I always try to shake the speaker’s hand and share a few words. I know my words are unsolicited feedback, so I always leave them with the praise and encouragement.

Everyone out there is doing something right… you, him, her, me, all of us. When you’re in the audience, enjoy the message, enjoy the experience, and learn from it. Look for the best parts of the speaker’s delivery and remember something specific.

Then when you leave the assembly, thank the speaker and tell them specifically what they did well. “That was an amazing story you used to parallel the older and younger generation with the older and newer technology. Both the humor and the metaphor had us all engaged. Thanks for sharing that with us.”

Just dropping a “good job” or “I enjoyed your message” is okay, but it’s not as helpful to the speaker. Give them a specific example of something said and why you thought it was so good.

If speakers never get feedback on what worked, they won’t know what to include the next time they speak.

You Have the Power to Impact Future Audiences

When you give your speaker a specific piece of feedback on something that worked well, they will not only learn something about themselves, but you’ll be encouraging them to positively impact future audiences.

So, I challenge you to be a positive force for better communication! The next time you’re in the audience, listen for something done very well and then specifically share that before you leave.

See you next week,

Russ

Let’s connect…

on Twitter if we haven’t already?

OR Let’s connect on LinkedIn.

OR Let’s connect via my Facebook page!

iSpeak teaches workshops on Professional Selling to help sales leaders gather the most important data and then use that information to create the right message. Are your sales presentations closing eyelids or deals?

Russ Peterson Jr. is the co-founder and Managing Director of iSpeak, Inc. – An award-winning professional development training company. Russ is a speaker, international trainer, and published author on Professional Sales Communication and Business Communication. He delivers workshops, keynotes, and personal communication coaching services to business professionals in the US and around the world. His leadership blog assists leaders in giving voice to their vision. You can connect with Russ directly through Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn.

When you’re the speaker, you’re trying to achieve an objective when you speak. You’re trying to convey a message, teach a concept, or inspire new ideas. You have a goal for speaking and you won’t achieve that goal without the audience reaching theirs. To help them reach their goal, you need to be crystal clear in your communication, not muddied!

That means giving them less when you speak might actually be better!

Clear Communication is Built With Less

We need to avoid muddying the water when we speak. What do I mean by that? Don’t use too many words when fewer words will actually work better. Be succinct! One executive Kevin worked with said he wanted people presenting to him to “be prepared, be brief, and be gone.”

"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler" 
- Albert Einstein

3 Tools for Practicing Brevity

Here are three tools to help you simplify for message. Do these exercises after you’ve constructed the full message to help you crystalize your key points into fewer words.

100 Word Summary

For some of us 100 words may feel like a painful request for hours of devotion on the word processor, but you might be surprised at just how short 100 words really is. For example, the average speaker speaks at about 125 words per minute. At that rate, you have 48 seconds to speak your 100-word summary. That isn’t much time!

Write out the summary of your entire presentation in approximately 100 words. If you can’t read it in less than 1 minute, it’s too long! This is a great summary to give to the audience at the start or the end of your message.

6 Word Summary

This sounds ridiculous on the surface, but summarizing your entire message in a brief phrase or sentence is powerful. We do this exercise in our Message Builder workshop. Students usually push back at first, but once we put them into the exercise, they see the power and simplicity of the tool. Here are a few examples of what our students have created in the past:

Alpha project, under budget, on time.

Don’t submit change orders after Friday.

Question the customer. Listen for flags.

1 Word Summary – The Prompt

If you thought summarizing your presentation in 6 words was ridiculous, I bet you love this one! What is the one word that could serve as a mental prompt for your entire message? What is one word that causes the floodgates of the audience’s mind to open wide and let the message rush in?

In 2001 I was working with a managed IT services company as a business development manager. I had a good year because I was privileged to work with an amazing sales team that year. We closed one of the largest deals for the company and one of the biggest I’ve ever closed in my life, even to this day. As a result, our entire sales team made President’s Club that year and we all won a trip to the prestigious sales conference.

At the President’s Club event our team was asked to sit on stage in front of an audience of hundreds to explain how we managed to close such a large deal. I let the rest of the sales team offer their insights first. They all did an amazing job pointing out the engineering hurdles we overcame, the legal negotiations, and the financial plan for asset depreciation. Like I said, they were a great team and I was proud to serve as their BDM (Business Development Manager) on this deal.

Then they handed the microphone to me and only one word came to mind. So I shared it. Momentum.

I explained how the more we worked together as a sales team overcoming hurdles, we became a stronger team. We accelerated and hit our stride. We became efficient and more productive over our 8 months together. I ended with this. “I guess that’s how I’d sum up the key to the entire win. I’d sum it up in one word… Momentum. Help your team find it’s momentum and nothing will stop you.”

As I exited the ballroom that evening the CEO of our organization was shaking everyone’s hand. He stopped me by holding our hand shake with a tight grip and a longer hold. With a genuine smile on his face, he looked me in the eye and said, “Momentum… I like that. Keep up the momentum next year.” It wasn’t something I had planned to say. It just came to me as I listened to every member of my team offer their insights on teamwork.

The lesson I learned that evening was one of simplicity. To connect with an audience and give them something of value, a one-word summary can be your ticket. You give them a one word prompt and their brains will unlock everything they learned and felt from your message.

If you want to have a greater impact on your audience, don’t weigh them down with more unnecessary words. Give them something to remember!

I’ll close with my 6 words…

I will see you next week!

Russ

Let’s connect…

on Twitter if we haven’t already?

OR Let’s connect on LinkedIn.

OR Let’s connect via my Facebook page!

iSpeak teaches workshops on Professional Selling to help sales leaders gather the most important data and then use that information to create the right message. Are your sales presentations closing eyelids or deals?R

Russ Peterson Jr. is the co-founder and Managing Director of iSpeak, Inc. – An award-winning professional development training company. Russ is a speaker, international trainer, and published author on Professional Sales Communication and Business Communication. He delivers workshops, keynotes, and personal communication coaching services to business professionals in the US and around the world. His leadership blog assists leaders in giving voice to their vision. You can connect with Russ directly through Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn.

In this version, the power craved uncle (played by Jude Law) thinks that fear provides the ultimate power to a leader. He called it intoxicating. As expected, he rules the kingdom by striking fear into the hearts of subjects. “Obey me, or else!” As with all good action movies, ultimately King Arthur regains his throne by winning an unlikely battle through a the help of his small group of committed followers and of course, his magic sword, Excalibur.

Fear can get things done for awhile, but it won’t last. Everyone wants a strong leader who’s also willing to show humility and willing to serve. Leaders with compassion generate the most dedicated followers. That kingdom will last… at least until the next power-craved leader rises up using fear and consequences to achieve movement from the followers.

There’s Something Wild in Each of Us

This is how animals lead. In a wolf pack there is an Alpha. The Alpha is the strongest of the pack and wins the position to lead by physically challenging the current Alpha leader. The rest of the pack follows the new Alpha because they can’t defeat the Alpha or they’re too afraid to try.

Sounds like a great Disney movie, doesn’t it? At the beginning of the movie our good leader either dies or is overthrown by a power-starved, jealous, strong leader who uses fear to take and hold on to power. The rest of the movie follows the struggle of our hero, the caring challenger, seeking the strength and courage to finally make things right and overthrow the evil regime.

Why are These Movies so Successful?

Because deep down we all know that leading others with the power of fear is wrong. As we watch the movie we can’t wait for that final battle scene when our champion makes everything right again. We want to see the winning battle where the new compassionate Alpha is blessed with supreme strength and courage to set the world right again.

We want the happy ending for our tribe. Does this sound familiar? Tarzan, Lion King, Jungle Book, Black Panther, Gladiator, Lord of the Rings… King Arthur.

What Can We Do?

When humans lead like animals, using fear, it can work for awhile. But the followers are always looking for their next champion. They’re not following because they want to, they’re following because (for now) they have to follow.

We crave a leader who cares about us. We want strength and compassion from our leader. Power through intimidation will create animosity and an eventual rebellion.

How will you choose to lead with both strength and compassion?

For some reason I’m craving movie popcorn…
Russ

Let’s connect…

on Twitter if we haven’t already?

OR Let’s connect on LinkedIn.

OR Let’s connect via my Facebook page!

iSpeak teaches workshops on Professional Selling to help sales leaders gather the most important data and then use that information to create the right message. Are your sales presentations closing eyelids or deals?R

Russ Peterson Jr. is the co-founder and Managing Director of iSpeak, Inc. – An award-winning professional development training company. Russ is a speaker, international trainer, and published author on Professional Sales Communication and Business Communication. He delivers workshops, keynotes, and personal communication coaching services to business professionals in the US and around the world. His leadership blog assists leaders in giving voice to their vision. You can connect with Russ directly through Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn.

I’m also making an announcement this week…

My blog will be moving in 2019. Our iSpeak.com website is getting a refresh to be launched in the first quarter of 2019. When we launch that refreshed iSpeak website, my blog will then be hosted at iSpeak.com instead of RussPetersonJr.com 

I’ll give you more information and plenty of notice time once we know the final move date.

THANK YOU ALL for reading, sending me messages of encouragement, and for your topic suggestions. I appreciate every one of you and my hope is that you found something helpful here over the past 3 years.

Now… here’s the list of the Top 5 Most Read/Helpful Blog Posts in 2018 according you… the readers!

Number 1 – Better Conversations

Number 2 – Overcoming Fear

Number 3 – Ending Strong

Number 4 – Tell them about you

Number 5 – Engage your Audience

Until next year,
Russ

Let’s connect…

on Twitter if we haven’t already?

OR Let’s connect on LinkedIn.

OR Let’s connect via my Facebook page!

iSpeak teaches workshops on Professional Selling to help sales leaders gather the most important data and then use that information to create the right message. Are your sales presentations closing eyelids or deals?

Russ Peterson Jr. is the co-founder and Managing Director of iSpeak, Inc. – An award-winning professional development training company. Russ is a speaker, international trainer, and published author on Professional Sales Communication and Business Communication. He delivers workshops, keynotes, and personal communication coaching services to business professionals in the US and around the world. His leadership blog assists leaders in giving voice to their vision. You can connect with Russ directly through Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn.

You’ve finally got the promotion you’ve been looking for at work. In this new position you will be leading a team of 12 people who have never met you before. Your manager suggests calling a team meeting where she will introduce you to your new team. “Then you can take over the meeting and introduce yourself. You know… just tell them more about yourself. It’ll be fun.”

That all sounds great, but now you start to feel some anxiety creeping in because this will be your first presentation to your team! What will you say? What will they think of you? How will they react to you?

When to Use the Model

You’ve got a lot on your mind, but we can help with a simple storyline (narrative) template called the “Who Am I?” Story. Your situation is a perfect time to use this story template. Any time you need to introduce your authentic self to a group, this model works great.

What Your Audience Does NOT want

I’m guessing you’ve all seen this before, when someone stands to speak in response to the request, “Hey, why don’t you tell us a little about yourself?” Most people respond to this with a chronological list of their resume. We all start to go a little numb when we realize you’re walking down your timeline year by year telling us about each of your pit stops along the way.

It’s a laundry list of company names and job titles which tells us nothing about the real you. We want to know the authentic you! To do that, you’ll need to take us back to a moment in time when you had to make a decision. We learn about other people when we watch them react in a situation.

Someone who knows how to tell more about himself without giving a timeline of events is Michael Dell. In his autobiography he tells several stories about his past. This one is a story from his childhood, but it tells us about how Michael Dell leads today.

One of Michael Dell’s “Who Am I?” Stories

The father of my best friend was a pretty avid stamp collector, so now naturally my friend and I wanted to get into stamp collecting, too. To fund my interest in stamps, I got a job as a water boy in a Chinese restaurant two blocks from my house. I started reading stamp journals just for fun, and soon began noticing that prices were rising. Before long, my interest in stamps began to shift from the joy of collecting to the idea that there was something here that my mother, a stockbroker, would have termed “a commercial opportunity.”…

I was about to embark upon one of my very first business ventures. First, I got a bunch of people in the neighborhood to consign their stamps to me. Then I advertised “Dell’s Stamps” in Linn’s Stamp Journal, the trade journal of the day. And then I typed, with one finger, a twelve-page catalog… and mailed it out. Much to my surprise, I made $2,000. And I learned an early, powerful lesson about the rewards of eliminating the middleman. I also learned that if you’ve got a good idea, it pays to do something about it.

What Do We Learn?

Stephen Denning, the author of The Leader’s Guide to Storytelling, does a fantastic job of breaking down Michael Dell’s story. Denning points out how we learn some very important things about Dell in this story, and I bet you can even pull more from it.

• Michael Dell is entrepreneurial and bold
• He’s aggressive and direct
• We learn his perspective on his own actions from when he was young
• Seeing where he was then and where he is now gives you the sense he will continue to follow that trend line

How do I build a “Who Am I?” Story?

What’s the formula for you to build your own story? It’s actually quite simple. Even after you construct the story, don’t forget to rehearse it a few times. Just knowing the story is very different from delivering the story!

• Focus on a turning point in your life, maybe a fork in the road where a decision had to be made
• Try to keep your story focused on the positive. If the turning point generates a negative feeling, leave the audience with positive at the end showing how you overcame it.
• Inject a little humor when appropriate
• Don’t focus too much on your good qualities. You don’t want to appear like you’re bragging.
• Bring the story back to relevance for the audience.

It can take some practice but your audience will love this much more than you providing the timeline of jobs and titles you’ve had in the past.

Until next week,
Russ

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iSpeak teaches workshops on Professional Selling to help sales leaders gather the most important data and then use that information to create the right message. Are your sales presentations closing eyelids or deals?

Russ Peterson Jr. is the co-founder and Managing Director of iSpeak, Inc. – An award-winning professional development training company. Russ is a speaker, international trainer, and published author on Professional Sales Communication and Business Communication. He delivers workshops, keynotes, and personal communication coaching services to business professionals in the US and around the world. His leadership blog assists leaders in giving voice to their vision. You can connect with Russ directly through Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn.

His question was not atypical. “What can I do to look more confident to my audience?” I get this one a lot in my workshops. I paused for a moment and said, “You’ve got to be more confident.” Of course, I had to say that with a smile and a wink.

There’s a big difference between being confident and just acting confident. I’m not a big fan of the “fake it until you make it” comment either. I never want the speakers I coach to be faking anything. I want them to “be” what they are meant to be. Put very simply, I want them to be authentic.

But how can we be authentic and what exactly does that even mean?

Your True and Authentic Self

What I’ve discovered, we all have an authentic self. That authentic self is at our core. While it’s at our core, it doesn’t mean it will never change or that it is something we were “just born with.” Our core is just the authentic self and a reflection of what we value most.

Now surrounding the Authentic Self is a layer that’s constantly being created, refined and formed to cloud out and cover up the Authentic Self. This layer is called the False Self. This False Self is created over time as we listen to that internal voice. You know the one. It’s the voice we all seem to have in our mind. It’s not our friend. It is some kind of enemy who speaks to us. Attempting to redefine our authentic self.

“You don’t have what it takes.”

“You’re a fake and they’re going to know it!”

“Your just a loser and they’re going to find out.”

“You’re no expert. Who do you think you’re kidding!?”

“You’re way out of your element. You don’t belong here. You’re not good enough.”

When the False Self does a good job of getting us to listen, we begin to believe the lies. We believe them so much, we actually begin to believe the False Self and the Authentic Self are one in the same.

The Quick Fix Question…

I’m guilty of this too, we start to think we need to show a better self to the public. We think we need to create a third layer on top of the false self. We need to cloak or hide the false self. Maybe we can project a better version of us to the public! Maybe we can “fake it” long enough that we will eventually become better at it? We call this outer layer the Projected Self and we use it for masking the False Self. It’s what we want others to see when they look at us. This is the layer I get asked about all the time in workshops. People want me to help them create a projected self.

“How can I show more confidence when I’m speaking?”

“What can I do to increase my approachability?”

“What should I do with my hands so I don’t look so nervous?”

We Don’t Teach Acting

If you want to learn how to act, don’t take one of our workshops. We don’t teach acting. We teach authenticity. What this means is that we don’t add a third layer (projected self) on top of the unnatural you (false self). Instead, we help you remove any remnants of the false self so you can be your true, authentic self. That’s what the audience wants anyway. They want you to be you!

So, what do we give you in our workshops to help release the authentic self? We give you tools and exercises you can use to strengthen your core. When you have a stronger core you can better defend your authentic self against the enemy speaking lies into you.

Don’t get caught up with anyone who promises quick-fixes or promotes masking your nervousness or lack of confidence. Your audience doesn’t want a projected self. The audience wants authenticity… not acting. So give it to them!

See you next week,
Russ

If you’re like me, as we enter the holiday season, I begin to think about the parties and family gatherings to come. We all enjoy seeing the friends and family but let’s be honest… sometimes our conversations could be improved and we’re the ones who might need to change! I began this year with a blog post on “How to have the best conversations in 2018.” It was based on a tool I learned from Michael Hyatt.

How are you doing?

What’s the status of your conversations in 2018? Have you improved as a conversationalist and as a friend? I know I’ve seen some improvement in myself but I’ve still got a ways to go. I’m working on it. As we enter the holidays, now is a great time to remind ourselves of the tools we can use to improve our conversations with others, but more importantly, improve our relationships with others.

Reminder 1: The One Conversation Rule

In a quick summary of “How to Have the Best Conversations in 2018” the one rule to try at the dinner table is the “One Conversation” rule. What this means is that when you have a table of 8 people, you have 1 speaker and 7 listeners. You have one conversation at the table. No side conversations are allowed.

I’ve tried this before and found that it is an incredibly powerful tool for building relationships between everyone.

Reminder 2: What should we AVOID in conversations?

Through research, observation, and my own personal experience I’ve found there are 7 things to avoid when in conversation with others. I call them the 7 deadly sins of poor conversations. I’m not calling any of these out in judgement because I’m willing to admit, I’m guilty of each one.

The road to improvement for anything begins with awareness because once you’re made aware of a situation, you’re faced with a decision. You are at a fork in the road and you can see the two paths clearly. Once you are at the fork and you can see the fork… you must make a choice. Awareness is the exposure to the fork in the road. We always begin change at the fork.

Are you guilty of these 7 deadly sins in your conversations?

Reminder 3: What should we DO in conversations?

Instead of the 7 deadly sins you could just strive to do the opposite, but is there more? Learning again from my own personal mistakes and failures, along with the coaching and research from others, I’ve discovered 5 tools to have the best conversations. I call these tools “virtues” because they seem to be the foundation of solid conversations and more importantly, solid relationships.

Virtue can be defined as “moral excellence.” In that sense, virtues are closely related to core values. They are the essence of truth and cannot be simplified to anything more foundational that itself. They stand alone as a truth.

You will notice how “The 5 virtues of great conversations” are all centered on questioning and listening. None of the virtues of conversation center on your speaking. It’s not about you speaking… it’s about what you’re doing when you’re NOT speaking!

“ It’s not about you speaking… it’s about what you’re doing when you’re NOT speaking!

I hope your Thanksgiving was filled with family, friends, and great conversations. As we move into a season of holiday parties and gatherings, my hope for us all is that we build stronger relationships with each other by leveraging some of these conversation tools.

Thankful for you all!

See you next week,
Russ