This is the daily struggle for every leader. How can I connect with my team better? Leaders help groups move to new locations, but that will never happen if the leader has no connection with the audience.

As a speaker, if you can build a strong connection with the audience, you’ll have more leadership influence with the group.

The Key is Influence

John C. Maxwell has summarized leadership into one word… influence. Remember, influence has a noble purpose, not a self-serving purpose. The negative side of influence is called manipulation. It’s selfish and pure evil. We’re talking about the noble skill of leadership influence.

Influence is not about what the leader wants personally. It’s about what the team needs. Here are four methods Maxwell has presented as bridges we can all build to connect with others.

1. What you know

Do you remember the game show called “Who Wants to be a Millionaire?” In that trivia game show, if you didn’t know the answer, you could use a life line and phone a friend. From the show, you could tell the host who you’d like to call for help on the question. Then, they would ring up your friend so you could ask the question.

When people need advice or guidance, they call upon people who have a knowledge they don’t. When speaking to a team you may have advanced training and knowledge or you may have received information from the executives and they want to know it. Either way, when you know information the team wants and needs, they will connect with you and seek your input or advice.

2. What you’ve done

Imagine if you were attending an industry conference and the breakout sessions were about to begin. There were 2 speakers speaking in different breakout rooms at the same time. You obviously can’t be in two places at once, so you’re being forced to pick just one. Choose wisely because you will never get to hear the other. Who will you pick?

The first speaker is a great speaker. Delivery is impeccable, great tone in the voice, little bit of humor, and uses the stage effectively. Not sure about the content she’s talking about, but she is guaranteed to have a great delivery.

The second speaker is not nearly as good on the stage. That’s a fact because he’s not a professional speaker. But,he’s just returned from being stranded on a desert island in the Pacific after a shipwreck. He was trapped on the island all alone for 7 weeks. He’s going to speak about his physical, mental and emotional struggles.

I’m guessing 9 out of 10 of you would rather hear the Robinson Crusoe speaker! Why? Because of what he’s done. When people have had struggle experiences we have not, we want to learn from them. It creates a connection.

This isn’t about bragging to others. It’s about recognizing if you have something of value you can share with others to help them move further down the road and avoid some of the issues you’ve had to endure.

3. What you can do

One of our instructors once had a student in class mention he could do a back flip. Seriously! From a standing position in the classroom, he said he could do a full back flip. What do you think the next comment was from another student? You guessed it. “Do it!”

But before he did, someone else asked, “How did you learn to do that?” The student told his back story of always challenging himself. He came up with the idea to learn a back flip and committed himself to doing it. He recruited a friend to come over and spot him and after many bruises and attempts, he did it! The moral? Find your next challenge, recruit help from others, and commit to overcoming it!

When others know we are capable, they may want to leverage our skill set in the future. If you are willing and able to help others with a skill you have, they will want to connect with you. Use your skills to help others, not so you can expect something in return. Do it because it aligns with your core value for serving others. Which leads us to the 4th method of connection…

4. How you’ve lived

This is all about your values. It’s so true that words are cheap. I’m sure we’ve all experienced the pain of hearing a friend say the right things and then act in a completely different or inappropriate manner. It’s the source of the expression, “Actions speak louder than words.”

People like Mother Teresa, Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, Jesus… all lived lives of sacrifice. If we had the opportunity to have a conversation with an any of these people, we would want to listen! We appreciate strong core values, worthy of admiration, but even more than that… we appreciate someone who has lived out the values they preach.

Know your values and live in alignment with them. It sounds so simple. I’m willing to admit… I’m still working on doing just that.

A challenge for all of us… use the 3 steps from last week’s conversation tool and let’s combine it with living out our core values. Then, let’s start building stronger connections and relationships with the ones we serve and love.

Until next week…

Russ

Let’s connect…

on Twitter if we haven’t already?

OR Let’s connect on LinkedIn.

OR Let’s connect via my Facebook page!

iSpeak teaches workshops on Professional Selling to help sales leaders gather the most important data and then use that information to create the right message. Are your sales presentations closing eyelids or deals?

Russ Peterson Jr. is the co-founder and Managing Director of iSpeak, Inc. – An award-winning professional development training company. Russ is a speaker, international trainer, and published author on Professional Sales Communication and Business Communication. He delivers workshops, keynotes, and personal communication coaching services to business professionals in the US and around the world. His leadership blog assists leaders in giving voice to their vision. You can connect with Russ directly through Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn.

If you’re like me, as we enter the holiday season, I begin to think about the parties and family gatherings to come. We all enjoy seeing the friends and family but let’s be honest… sometimes our conversations could be improved and we’re the ones who might need to change! I began this year with a blog post on “How to have the best conversations in 2018.” It was based on a tool I learned from Michael Hyatt.

How are you doing?

What’s the status of your conversations in 2018? Have you improved as a conversationalist and as a friend? I know I’ve seen some improvement in myself but I’ve still got a ways to go. I’m working on it. As we enter the holidays, now is a great time to remind ourselves of the tools we can use to improve our conversations with others, but more importantly, improve our relationships with others.

Reminder 1: The One Conversation Rule

In a quick summary of “How to Have the Best Conversations in 2018” the one rule to try at the dinner table is the “One Conversation” rule. What this means is that when you have a table of 8 people, you have 1 speaker and 7 listeners. You have one conversation at the table. No side conversations are allowed.

I’ve tried this before and found that it is an incredibly powerful tool for building relationships between everyone.

Reminder 2: What should we AVOID in conversations?

Through research, observation, and my own personal experience I’ve found there are 7 things to avoid when in conversation with others. I call them the 7 deadly sins of poor conversations. I’m not calling any of these out in judgement because I’m willing to admit, I’m guilty of each one.

The road to improvement for anything begins with awareness because once you’re made aware of a situation, you’re faced with a decision. You are at a fork in the road and you can see the two paths clearly. Once you are at the fork and you can see the fork… you must make a choice. Awareness is the exposure to the fork in the road. We always begin change at the fork.

Are you guilty of these 7 deadly sins in your conversations?

Reminder 3: What should we DO in conversations?

Instead of the 7 deadly sins you could just strive to do the opposite, but is there more? Learning again from my own personal mistakes and failures, along with the coaching and research from others, I’ve discovered 5 tools to have the best conversations. I call these tools “virtues” because they seem to be the foundation of solid conversations and more importantly, solid relationships.

Virtue can be defined as “moral excellence.” In that sense, virtues are closely related to core values. They are the essence of truth and cannot be simplified to anything more foundational that itself. They stand alone as a truth.

You will notice how “The 5 virtues of great conversations” are all centered on questioning and listening. None of the virtues of conversation center on your speaking. It’s not about you speaking… it’s about what you’re doing when you’re NOT speaking!

“ It’s not about you speaking… it’s about what you’re doing when you’re NOT speaking!

I hope your Thanksgiving was filled with family, friends, and great conversations. As we move into a season of holiday parties and gatherings, my hope for us all is that we build stronger relationships with each other by leveraging some of these conversation tools.

Thankful for you all!

See you next week,
Russ

“Um, Good morning everyone. I… uh… well, I’m really glad to be here and um… um… really excited to share um, our thoughts on, um, well it’s not just our thoughts really, it’s really um, our vision, um…well, um… let’s get started.”  Your speaker for the day begins like this and you’re in the audience. How excited are you to hear the rest of the presentation? How confident are you in this so-called vision? I’m guessing the “yawns” are starting to creep in!

It’s easy for us all to sit in the audience pointing fingers or offering guidance using that horrible coaching word “should,” but we’ve probably all found ourselves in that same position as the speaker at some point in our career. I know I have and it wasn’t fun. Speaking and presenting can be tough.

It Never Gets Any Easier

While this is the truth and it can sound like bad news, it’s not. The fact is that with proper focused attention, you get stronger. That should not only be comforting, it should be motivating! The task never changes. It never gets any easier. It is what is is and it always will be. But what does change is you! You become more skilled, more experienced, and more practiced. You get stronger.

“ It never gets easier, but you get stronger!

4 Ways to Eliminate the Filler Words

You’ve heard this before, instead of saying “um” you need to be silent. Just don’t say anything! Just replace the filler words with a pause instead. You don’t need me to tell you that and you certainly don’t need to waste your time reading a blog post if that’s all it gives you for controlling filler words.

Here’s what I’ll give you next. These are the four steps for eliminating the filler words.

1. Awareness

Let’s face it, if you don’t know you’re doing something how can you ever expect to make a decision to change? In our workshops we video record each student as they address the audience. “I said that many ‘ums’? There is no way!” That’s when we can say, roll the tape! I’m guilty of the same thing. Even after two decades of public speaking, I still catch myself using fillers I let creep back in. Audio or video record yourself rehearsing sometime and make yourself aware!

2. Get Comfortable with Silence

If you’re not comfortable using a powerful tool, you won’t use it. The first time I ever used a saws-all I had a friend show me exactly how to hold it and apply the appropriate pressure to cut through the wall. It’s a scary tool if you’ve never used one. Silence is just as powerful for the speaker. Practice using silence in your next presentation by building in a longer pause at some point. After a thought-provoking question would be ideal.

3. Slow Down

I know this is easier said than done, but that doesn’t give you permission not to try. Here’s something magical that happens when you slow down. If you could slow your pace down to one word every second you wouldn’t say any filler words… ZERO! If you slow down just a little bit from your normal public speaking pace, the vast majority will also disappear.

4. Read Out Loud

Do this every day for about 5 minutes. When you read out loud your ears get the  benefit of hearing your own voice speak in a semi-formal environment (you’re on a script so it feels more formal than just talking to other people in conversation.) You don’t say “um” when you’re reading. When your ears get tuned to hearing you speak out loud without saying “um” they become hypersensitive and aware of the nasty filler words. Your brain naturally begins to avoid them!

I’d love to say you can follow these 4 steps once and every “um” will be magically eliminated, but I’m living proof, it doesn’t always happen that way. It’s more of a constant awareness, and remember… while it doesn’t get easier, you get stronger. Never stop trying.

“ Your words matter. Your words change lives. —RUSS PETERSON JR.

Your future audiences have too much riding on your messages. Do it for their benefit. Your words matter. Your words change lives.

Time to go get stronger…
Russ

I’m sure you’ve heard the advice from others to grab your audiences’ attention from the very start of your presentation. Then, hang on to it throughout your presentation. That sounds great! The tough part is answering the question… “Now, how do I do that exactly?”

Don’t use a joke!

I’m sure at some point you’ve heard people say, “Oh, you’re giving a speech? You should start with a joke! That’ll loosen up the audience!” If you’re a delivering a keynote speech or the groom’s toast at a wedding, you can probably make that work. But, if you’re speaking in a business environment, I would advise against it.

I’ve got nothing against using some humor in a business presentation, but out-right jokes (e.g. “Two guys walk into bar…”) is not appropriate for a business presentation. In most cases, (because there are always exceptions) jokes like this in a business setting will be interpreted by the audience as an amateur attempt to gain acceptance with the audience.

What’s the difference between humor and jokes?

Jokes are delivered with an intent to gain laughter and the joke is the point. Humor is usually injected with a pithy anecdote which serves as a humorous side-note, but it is not the point. The point is something else.

5 ways to grab audience attention

There are many ways to open a presentation or speech and grab the audiences’ attention. Think about how you can connect with your audience and where they are today by using one of the following methods to gain their attention.

1. Tell them a story

Storytelling is an art form. I think you know this is true because there are people in your life and you love to hear their stories. Then there are others in your life… well, maybe not so much. If you’re going to share a story with your audience first, make sure you have a point or a moral to the story. Next, tell it in as few words as possible. Use character names and give them a voice. Here’s a past blog post with more details on storytelling.

2. Quote someone they know

Using a meaningful quotation from another person can create an immediate connection with your audience. When I deliver a keynote to a larger group I mingle with the audience before I begin. When I get their thoughts on the topics for the day, I can use that in my opening and give credit to them by name. Quotes don’t need to be from someone like George Washington, you can simply quote Dave in Accounting and get the same affect with the audience.

3. Ask them a thoughtful question

Some of my students tell me they want to be more engaging with their audiences. I think we would all love to be more engaging, but the question can be, “How do I effectively do that?” When I’m coaching others, I always start with engaging the audiences’ minds. Engage their brains! One simple way to do that is with a question that makes them think. If the question is too simple, it doesn’t work. Go for the question that makes them go, “Hmmmmmm…”

• “If you only had 10 minutes to prep before a meeting, what would you want to know?”
• “How much money do you think we spend globally each year on airfares?”
• “What do you think is the number one complaint from our customers?”

4. Make a bold statement

Bold statements need to shake the audience’s foundation a little bit. It can be a cruel reality or it could be a challenging goal for the future. Either way, it needs to wake them up. Depending on who is in the audience, this can take on many forms.

• “20% margin by the year 2020.”
• “ZERO personal injuries for this next fiscal year.”
• “Wendy Johnson is retiring and stepping down as our CEO.”

5. Share an illustration

Illustrations are not stories. These are descriptions that tap into the imagination of the audience. If you want to engage the audience’s brains you should focus on three key areas: their logical brain, their feeling brain, and their imagination. One of the easiest (and most effective!) ways to engage their imagination is to get the audience to picture something in their mind. Sometimes, the crazier the better!

• “Picture 2 billion iPhones stacked end to end and reaching all the way up to the moon.”
• “Imagine our organization in 10 years. We have grown to 7 global locations on 5 continents…”
• “What if we could take all of our datacenter and consolidate them down to only 2 on each coast.”

Gaining your audience’s attention from the very start is something you need to plan. It doesn’t happen by accident… I guess I shouldn’t say it won’t ever happen without planning. It happened by accident with me once…

I was speaking in downtown Dallas and as I gestured my hand toward the large screen behind me from the stage, I fell off the back of the stage…

I’m sure that mishap got everyone’s attention and I’m positive I didn’t plan that one. Ask me about it the next time you see me and I’ll be happy to finish that story for you.

Time to go PLAN my next opening!
Russ

My wife and I were both excited to attend the leadership conference! The lineup of speakers included one of my favorites and one of my wife’s favorites.  I was amped to hear from Craig Groeschel on topics like leading change and building systems. My wife was most excited about Lysa Terkeurst and her talk on dealing with disappointment. (and as far as I know, my wife’s interest in that topic had nothing to do with the fact that I was her date for the day!)

Then there was this other speaker, an author by the name Chris Hodges. I knew him as an author, but had never heard him speak before. Besides the one book I could recall (The Daniel Dilemma), I really didn’t know much about Chris. His comments that day were fun, humorous and engaging. I could write several blog posts on his amazing techniques for building approachability with an audience! (Note to self… write a future blog post on Chris Hodges and Approachability!)

So, WHAT’s the One Question?

Chris gave many helpful insights on leadership but there was one insight that just blew me away. It was one of those surreal moments when you realize you’ve just received a moment of truth. He gave us all one question we could use as leaders. This one question is powerful enough to change lives, organizations, communities, and the world. No exaggeration… this is good stuff!

Here it is…

“ What one thing, if it got better, would make the biggest difference? —CHRIS HODGES

This question struck me so hard because it’s both simple and powerful. Knowing why this is such a powerful question and how to use this question, can make you more effective in every aspect of your life. Don’t ever underestimate the significant benefits you can provide to others through the coaching wisdom in this one simple question!

WHY is this Question so Powerful?

1. Because… it’s simple

Elegance is found in simplicity. As the simplicity washed over me, the absolute power of the question began to soak in when Chris shared the story about him and his wife asking this question at least every 3 months on their date night. This one question has strengthened their marriage over the years. There isn’t a 12-step process for improving, there’s just one simple question. That’s it. Just one question. I love simple!

2. Because… it’s focused on only one issue

When I finish any of my workshops, my students usually have several new tools they’ve learned. Instead of asking them to now go and implement all of them, I probably surprise some of them with my final request. I ask them to only focus on implementing one change. When we have too many balls in the air, we don’t really do any of them very well. I love Chris’ question because it keeps us focused on just one issue… Focus!

3. Because… it’s tied to improvement

It’s inherent to the question itself. What would make the biggest difference? Most of us are willing to take on change when we know it’ll have a positive impact. We want that impact to give the biggest bang for the buck! This keeps you from focusing on changes just for the sake of change. The changes you pursue will lead to a positive difference and the biggest difference!

“ Don’t defend what’s not working! —CHRIS HODGES

HOW can you best use this Question?

1. Think about who to ask

When you think about who you could ask this question, two sources come to mind. You could ask yourself this question and you could ask other people this question. What I’ve found from my own experience is that I kinda like me. I mean, when I have an idea, I’m pretty sure it’s one of the best ideas ever! I don’t find myself disagreeing with me too much. Maybe it’s time I admit, I might be a little biased toward my own ideas. I’m jus’ sayin’.

So, what I’ve found is that I might be better served asking other people what should be improved instead of just always thinking I know what’s best. Whether you have ideas for improving your business or your marriage, make sure you get input from others. You can not only improve the outcomes of your business, but also the relationships you have with others.

2. Only ask if you have time to listen

This one question is meant to take your conversations into deeper waters. So, don’t jump into the deep end if you don’t want to swim. These conversations are meant to be savored. So plan on asking them when you have the time to listen and then LISTEN!

“ Nothing improves until something changes. —RUSS PETERSON JR.

3. Expect the work to follow

Something else built into this question is the actionable outcome. Let’s not sugar-coat this… you’re asking for work. You’re asking the other person about what needs to change. The change could be simple or it could be complex, but either way… it will involve you changing something. Remember, nothing improves until something changes. So once you know what needs to change, be ready to get to work!

“How is leader presence any different from normal presence?” My student asked this question immediately after I defined the two elements that make up a first impression; your perceived confidence and your approachability. My student persisted with a follow up question before I could even respond, “I mean, isn’t your presence just these two things, whether you’re a leader or not?”

I went to the whiteboard and drew two overlapping circles and labeled one with Confidence and one with Approachability. Then I spoke to the class. “We all have a presence perceived by the audience in these two areas. That is true… but leaders also have a 3rd element.” I drew a third overlapping circle, in typical Venn Diagram fashion, and labeled it Vision.

Let’s Quickly Review the Definition of Leadership

We’ve already reviewed the first two elements of leader presence over the past two weeks. The first week we discussed Confidence, and last week we reviewed Approachability. This third element is called Vision and all true leaders have it.

In the past I’ve given you my simple definition of leadership which consists of only two parts. First, all leaders are going somewhere. If they’re not moving then they really aren’t leading. You can only lead if you go somewhere. Second, all leaders have followers. You actually can’t have one without the other. By definition and simple logic, one cannot exist without the other. If you have one, the other is assumed.

The 3rd Element of Leader Presence is VISION

I remind you of this definition of Leadership because the 3rd element of Leader Presence is also logical based on our definition of a leader. The leaders who project leader presence are doing three things:

• They’re going somewhere
• They’re taking followers with them
• They’re doing this by telling followers about the destination

In other words, the 3rd and final piece is about the leader casting the vision. Without the vision, they may show confidence and approachability, but they can’t be leading because they’re not going anywhere!

Some leaders are so good at communicating their vision of the future that they almost sound like time travelers! The leader describes the future state in such great detail and with such confidence it actually sounds like they’re from the future!

“ Leader Presence is three things: Projected Confidence, Approachability, and Vision.

But… How can I Communicate My Vision?

Here’s the Risky Part…

Do you know exactly what’s going to happen in the future?  No.  Let’s be honest… as much as we analyze the past and then predict and plan for the future, we don’t know with 100% certainty if it will actually happen. It’s not a sure thing. We’re not only asking our team to step outside their own comfort zones, we’re stepping outside of ours too.

We just don’t know and that uncertainty can eat away at our minds and absolutely kill our leader presence. But, we need to project confidence (1 of the 3 key elements of Leader Presence!) and therein lies the rub. When you cast a vision, it will inherently include risk. That risk generates fear in our mind, which ultimately can damage the confidence we’re projecting in our leader presence. Vicious cycle, isn’t it?

How can we overcome this risk of an unknown future?

It’s called COURAGE. Speaking up when something needs to be said, takes courage. Pointing everyone in a new direction you believe in, takes courage. Whether you have a leadership title or not, casting a vision into the unknown will take courage. In a nutshell, it always takes courage to lead. So be ready to kill the doubt when it enters your mind.

Do you want opportunities to practice your leadership skills?  Here’s an easy way to find them… Find the FEAR… and then step into it. Fear is not weakness. Fear is a normal human response to risk. How you respond to that fear determines your courage as a leader. People will see fear when they see risk. It will take courage for the leader to step into it.

So go out there and be courageous!

This wraps up our 3 part series on Leader Presence. Here’s a summary of all 3 blog posts with links to each.

• Today, February 11th – Confidence
• Sunday, February 18th – Approachability
• Sunday, February 25th – Vision