If you’re like me, as we enter the holiday season, I begin to think about the parties and family gatherings to come. We all enjoy seeing the friends and family but let’s be honest… sometimes our conversations could be improved and we’re the ones who might need to change! I began this year with a blog post on “How to have the best conversations in 2018.” It was based on a tool I learned from Michael Hyatt.

How are you doing?

What’s the status of your conversations in 2018? Have you improved as a conversationalist and as a friend? I know I’ve seen some improvement in myself but I’ve still got a ways to go. I’m working on it. As we enter the holidays, now is a great time to remind ourselves of the tools we can use to improve our conversations with others, but more importantly, improve our relationships with others.

Reminder 1: The One Conversation Rule

In a quick summary of “How to Have the Best Conversations in 2018” the one rule to try at the dinner table is the “One Conversation” rule. What this means is that when you have a table of 8 people, you have 1 speaker and 7 listeners. You have one conversation at the table. No side conversations are allowed.

I’ve tried this before and found that it is an incredibly powerful tool for building relationships between everyone.

Reminder 2: What should we AVOID in conversations?

Through research, observation, and my own personal experience I’ve found there are 7 things to avoid when in conversation with others. I call them the 7 deadly sins of poor conversations. I’m not calling any of these out in judgement because I’m willing to admit, I’m guilty of each one.

The road to improvement for anything begins with awareness because once you’re made aware of a situation, you’re faced with a decision. You are at a fork in the road and you can see the two paths clearly. Once you are at the fork and you can see the fork… you must make a choice. Awareness is the exposure to the fork in the road. We always begin change at the fork.

Are you guilty of these 7 deadly sins in your conversations?

Reminder 3: What should we DO in conversations?

Instead of the 7 deadly sins you could just strive to do the opposite, but is there more? Learning again from my own personal mistakes and failures, along with the coaching and research from others, I’ve discovered 5 tools to have the best conversations. I call these tools “virtues” because they seem to be the foundation of solid conversations and more importantly, solid relationships.

Virtue can be defined as “moral excellence.” In that sense, virtues are closely related to core values. They are the essence of truth and cannot be simplified to anything more foundational that itself. They stand alone as a truth.

You will notice how “The 5 virtues of great conversations” are all centered on questioning and listening. None of the virtues of conversation center on your speaking. It’s not about you speaking… it’s about what you’re doing when you’re NOT speaking!

“ It’s not about you speaking… it’s about what you’re doing when you’re NOT speaking!

I hope your Thanksgiving was filled with family, friends, and great conversations. As we move into a season of holiday parties and gatherings, my hope for us all is that we build stronger relationships with each other by leveraging some of these conversation tools.

Thankful for you all!

See you next week,
Russ