His question was not atypical. “What can I do to look more confident to my audience?” I get this one a lot in my workshops. I paused for a moment and said, “You’ve got to be more confident.” Of course, I had to say that with a smile and a wink.

There’s a big difference between being confident and just acting confident. I’m not a big fan of the “fake it until you make it” comment either. I never want the speakers I coach to be faking anything. I want them to “be” what they are meant to be. Put very simply, I want them to be authentic.

But how can we be authentic and what exactly does that even mean?

Your True and Authentic Self

What I’ve discovered, we all have an authentic self. That authentic self is at our core. While it’s at our core, it doesn’t mean it will never change or that it is something we were “just born with.” Our core is just the authentic self and a reflection of what we value most.

Now surrounding the Authentic Self is a layer that’s constantly being created, refined and formed to cloud out and cover up the Authentic Self. This layer is called the False Self. This False Self is created over time as we listen to that internal voice. You know the one. It’s the voice we all seem to have in our mind. It’s not our friend. It is some kind of enemy who speaks to us. Attempting to redefine our authentic self.

“You don’t have what it takes.”

“You’re a fake and they’re going to know it!”

“Your just a loser and they’re going to find out.”

“You’re no expert. Who do you think you’re kidding!?”

“You’re way out of your element. You don’t belong here. You’re not good enough.”

When the False Self does a good job of getting us to listen, we begin to believe the lies. We believe them so much, we actually begin to believe the False Self and the Authentic Self are one in the same.

The Quick Fix Question…

I’m guilty of this too, we start to think we need to show a better self to the public. We think we need to create a third layer on top of the false self. We need to cloak or hide the false self. Maybe we can project a better version of us to the public! Maybe we can “fake it” long enough that we will eventually become better at it? We call this outer layer the Projected Self and we use it for masking the False Self. It’s what we want others to see when they look at us. This is the layer I get asked about all the time in workshops. People want me to help them create a projected self.

“How can I show more confidence when I’m speaking?”

“What can I do to increase my approachability?”

“What should I do with my hands so I don’t look so nervous?”

We Don’t Teach Acting

If you want to learn how to act, don’t take one of our workshops. We don’t teach acting. We teach authenticity. What this means is that we don’t add a third layer (projected self) on top of the unnatural you (false self). Instead, we help you remove any remnants of the false self so you can be your true, authentic self. That’s what the audience wants anyway. They want you to be you!

So, what do we give you in our workshops to help release the authentic self? We give you tools and exercises you can use to strengthen your core. When you have a stronger core you can better defend your authentic self against the enemy speaking lies into you.

Don’t get caught up with anyone who promises quick-fixes or promotes masking your nervousness or lack of confidence. Your audience doesn’t want a projected self. The audience wants authenticity… not acting. So give it to them!

See you next week,
Russ