My student entered the workshop and told me he’d taken courses like this in the past. I asked him what he learned in the other class. “Well, I learned I need to stop fidgeting with my hands so much and stop saying filler words.” He waited for my response. “Okay. What did the coach say you were doing well?” He hesitated for a moment. Then he replied, “We really didn’t focus on that. We just focused on what I needed to fix.”

That’s a shame. It’s sounds more like he had a critic instead of a coach. Everyone can be a critic because all you have to do is give your opinion and focus on what you don’t like. From what I’ve encountered in my career, that is rarely helpful.

A good coach will let you know what your doing right and why it’s effective. If you don’t understand your strengths better after a coaching session, you might just have a critic instead of a coach. If you want to coach yourself, start with video recording and then focus on these three questions.

Never practice in front of a mirror

You may have heard the age-old advice to practice your public speaking in the mirror. Please don’t ever do that. The mirror is only good for practicing one thing and that’s facial expressions… which if you’re being authentic, you should never need to practice anyway!

The mirror doesn’t work for rehearsal because you’re asking yourself to do two complex things at once. First, be the best communicator you can be. Second, be the best coach you can be. Science says you can’t do both of these things well at the same time. You end up doing both of them poorly.

Video or Audio Record Yourself

So how should you coach yourself? Pull that video camera smart phone out of your purse or pocket and record yourself! Our iSpeak instructors don’t even carry video equipment anymore to our workshops because every student carries their own video camera! We call it BYOD… Bring Your Own Device.

The video recording gives you the best opportunity to coach yourself because you can see and hear what your audience sees and hears. In addition, you can first focus on speaking the best you can while you’re recording. Then, you can watch the video and focus on being the best coach you can be. Don’t use the mirror and try to do both at the same time. It doesn’t work.

What are the 3 Questions to Coach Yourself?

1. What did you do well?

Every student I’ve ever had in a workshop has a set of strengths. Many times I find the students have never been told what those strengths are or how they’re using them well. That’s a shame. A good coach will look for specific strengths in the communication. This is more than just a “Good job! Great energy. I liked your delivery” pat on the back. That type of feedback doesn’t help much because it can’t be easily replicated.

If you find yourself making these types of superficial comments, challenge yourself as the coach by asking yourself “What specifically made me think it was great energy?” or “What specifically did I do with my words, my voice, or my body language that made the delivery so appealing?”

2. What could have been done better?

This is the area where most coach’s spend too much time. It’s easy to cast stones from our glass houses and offer opinions on what we don’t like. This is a necessary part of coaching, but it’s not the only part of coaching.

I’ll challenge you by asking, if you offer an opinion of something you don’t like, then force yourself to come up with the specifics of what you didn’t like and how you’d change it. I think we will all agree when we work with someone who is constantly criticizing everything but they never offer a viable alternative to the situation, they are not helping the situation!

3. What will you change for the next time?

This is where an outside coach can have the greatest impact. Coaches earn their mustard right here. Criticizing what you don’t like and complimenting what you do like is much easier than this third question. This is where the skilled coach can offer suggestions on what to add into the presentation or the delivery. Knowing what’s missing and suggesting the addition is more difficult because it requires a much broader knowledge base or wider experience to pull from.

If you are coaching yourself, this is the one area where people tend to get stumped. It’s okay. It happens to all of us. If we knew what was missing, we probably would have included it the first time! If you struggle with this third question, I recommend you invite the feedback from a friend or an experienced coach.

When you receive coaching, listen for this area of the coaching. It is where the best coaches excel. They are able to bring something to the message that was currently missing rather than just giving a thumbs up or a thumbs down on what they liked or didn’t like.

Please let me know if you ever need some coaching. All of our coaches at iSpeak would love you help you take that next step in your journey!

All the best,
Russ